Seldo.Weblog: April 2003

Well, I've been offline for a week taking a break on the south coast, which was nice. I celebrated...

Well, I've been offline for a week taking a break on the south coast, which was nice. I celebrated my return by completely breaking Windows XP (for the 6th time this month, incidentally) and hence requiring yet another reinstall. This time it was because of a virus, which also conveniently deleted my entire warehouse of installation files, making the reinstall process a hell of a lot more painful. To aid myself and others in future struggles, I will contribute a microvote to google here by mentioning that if you want drivers for the SK 1301 keyboard, you can download them from Netropa, the manufacturer. If you use Windows XP, you should use the drivers for the SK 1300.

Yes, I'm fully aware that no-one cares about this but me. However, it's my blog, so bugger off and write your own.

It's good to see that not all Americans are clueless about the real reasons behind the war in Iraq....

It's good to see that not all Americans are clueless about the real reasons behind the war in Iraq. Unfortunately, some Americans are clueless about the war (thanks to Chez for the link), while others are just plain clueless. While I continue to support getting rid of Saddam, I also support the removal of other world leaders who obtained power undemocratically and are now oppressing citizens of their country. But the Bush administration is unlikely to get rid of them for me.

Meanwhile, I invite you to search Google for the worst search engine.

G Takahashi has a good weblog thing going, with some recent posts about the war. One examines the...

G Takahashi has a good weblog thing going, with some recent posts about the war. One examines the Seige of Baghdad and how difficult it's going to be to go Bush's "final 200 yards". Another is an e-mail home from a soldier in Iraq. It gives a very detailed and fascinating look into what the average solider experiences in combat these days. It's got some great gung-ho quotables, too, like this one:
So far, we haven't seen any direct action. We're hoping to keep it that way, but things could get interesting in the upcoming weeks. So far we've fought the reluctant benchwarmers from the Iraqi JV team, and some very motivated amateurs, but we're about to take on the Medina Division, which is Iraq's professional army. These guys are well trained and have good equipment, so it will be a different fight. We will still massacre them, don't get me wrong, but it will be a different kind of battle. It will be much more textbook-grade conventional warfare rather than the "Marne 500" as we are currently referring to it. The Marne 500 is like the Indy 500, only longer, with no lights, a whole lot of dust, and people trying to kill you with AK-47s and ... Rocket Propelled Grenades. ... I have respect for the Iraqis.
Worth noting is the fact that he says "upcoming weeks": this e-mail was sent March 29th. The US is clearly settling in for a longer battle than the idiot media led us to believe. I love the way the 'net (with big gobs of help from Al-Jazeera) has totally changed the way we get news about this war. It's also interesting how clear it is that nobody trusts CNN anymore. During the Gulf War, it was gospel.

And if you're sick of the war, you can amuse yourself with Bling Method.

My new desktop background (I was going to say "wallpaper", but if it's a desktop, how can it be...

My new desktop background (I was going to say "wallpaper", but if it's a desktop, how can it be wallpaper? Weird. Anyway, yes, so I'm bored and like BoyMeetsBoy way too much.

It's time for another backblog. Are you paranoid about being attacked? Then you may want the...

It's time for another backblog.
  • Are you paranoid about being attacked? Then you may want the ultimate in post-millenium clothing: ties that can double as gas masks. If you're going to be paranoid, at least do it in red silk, hey?
  • GPS drawing for those with too much money and time on their hands
  • I urge you to visit NationStates, visit the proud Federation of Edenists and add your own nation to our wonderful region "Keep it out of my Hearing Distance". It's SimCity for policy wonks! (Link via Ed, your resident policy wonk)
  • Have fun with arty website nonsense
  • I used to believe is a fascinating collection of the stuff we thought was true when we were younger, including the classics about how babies are made.
  • One that's sure to get me a lot of "where do you find this stuff?" type comments is the body modification risks site, which doesn't sound too interesting until you start reading about such fascinatingly gruesome concepts as genital beading and the absolutely cross-your-legs cringeworthy subincision (also called a meatotomy). WARNING: really gruesome pictures, definitely not safe for work.
  • Proof that computer scientists shouldn't be allowed to become bored, or indeed allowed to leave the house, comes in the form of programming languages such as whitespace, brainfuck, and the slightly more amusing feckfeck.
  • Browsing pictures from the BoyMeetsBoy gallery led to me having to explain what a furry is to someone.
  • The weblog of Stuart Hughes who (until his accident) had been covering the war in Iraq gives a look at what thousands of others injured in the war must be going through right now. Ugh. Landmines are absolutely horrible.
  • The story of an elite athlete is nothing more than war fiction, but that wasn't immediately obvious when the story began making the rounds. It's also very well-written.
  • Continuing high quality posts, mainly about the war, leads me to re-recommend the Braden Files
  • The NARA exhibit hall is interesting, if you like museums (and I do).
  • If XP is being a pain in the ass (and it usually is), then you might want to try out some of the Windows XP powertoys. Last seen for Windows 95, these add functions geeks need to an operating system sadly lacking them
  • I thought that Peter Jackson might be gay until I discovered that Frances Walsh, consistently referred to as his "partner" (and who helped write the script for all three Lord of the Rings movies) is in fact female. They even have two kids, both of whom have bit-parts in the LotR movies.
  • And to wrap up, what's geeky in my life at the moment (so I don't lose these links, mainly): PHPEdit, PHPEd, Open Perl IDE, the ultra-useful Sizer, libGD, ImageMagick for Perl, the equivalent for PHP JpGraph, mod_perl for Windows, Perl for Windows, fastCGI and finally DBPowerAMP (via Moz).
  • Now that I've generated my blogger code, ( B9d++t++k++s-ufiox+e-l+c--), I can blog about a meme...

    Now that I've generated my blogger code, ( B9d++t++k++s-ufiox+e-l+c--), I can blog about a meme that asks you how often you blog about memes, thus perpetuating the meme and justifying my answer to the question! WOW! *head explodes*

    Um. Yes. Incidentally, I've cross-posted this blog to Gay Geeks, which I feel should really earn me some extra points in my blogger code :->

    WebTorrent: the peer to peer web If you haven't heard of bittorrent already, you're missing out on...

    WebTorrent: the peer to peer web

    If you haven't heard of bittorrent already, you're missing out on a good thing. The concept is fairly simple: for large files (like movie files), instead of a download location, people give you a .torrent URL. If nobody else is downloading the file at that time, your torrent-enabled browser (via a plugin) will just download as normal from the server. But if lots of people are downloading it, then the P2P magic kicks in and you download portions of the file from all over the place, from people who have already downloaded those parts. Result: the server never gets overloaded, and everybody gets their file, and really fast. Better still, serving torrent files doesn't require any server software: you can use somebody else's BitTorrent tracker server, and tracker servers are so simple that they can handle absolutely enormous numbers of hits without trouble.

    So that's big files. But what about lots of little ones? One of the problems with the nature of the Internet is that while the Internet is distributed, web sites are not: popular sites are subject to the pain of the Slashdot effect and other major events which cause flash crowds and kill the server. Sites try to combat this in a basic way by providing mirror sites and more systematic, commercial technologies like Akamai do something similar. These require significant extra effort in the former, and completely changing how your sites work in the latter. No good. The obvious way to fix this problem with the nature of the web (and only the web, see below) is to distribute it, using P2P technology: enter WebTorrent.

    A computer with WebTorrent will access websites by their ordinary URLs. If you want a web page nobody's downloaded recently, then no problem, you just download directly as before. But if lots of people are viewing a website, then P2P magic kicks in again and you start browsing the site using files sent to you from other surfers' browser caches. Hey presto, you have not just a distributed website, but a distributed web: the website itself doesn't need to do anything to enable WebTorrent support, and the more users get WebTorrent the better the system gets. Eventually, Slashdotting becomes a quaint term that nobody remembers the meaning of.

    Some technical details: WebTorrent would install itself on your computer as a localized proxy server: that way, you don't have to mess about making dozens of plugins for every type of application that uses HTTP, and if it doesn't work for a particular application (and it won't always) then you can just turn off or ignore the proxy. This proxy will be configured with the addresses of a good set of WebTorrent-compatible tracker servers, which it will consult when it downloads (it can also use them to find the addresses of other tracker servers, as in Gnutella). As with all P2P systems, checksums can be used to make sure you aren't downloading an out of date version of the page you requested.

    Sound good to you? Then help me code the damn thing; I don't have time and barely enough coding experience to do it properly. But I've given you the roadmap.

    WebTorrent won't always work
    This only works if substantial numbers of people are simultaneously downloading exactly the same web content. Pages that have random text, some types of banner ads, etc., will not get the full benefit of WebTorrent. This is where some other features of Web2 come in handy, but in the meantime it's possible to modify pages using IFRAMEs and other such things to ensure that WebTorrent use would be optimized.

    Another implication of that is that it wouldn't work for websites that have lots of personalized server-side processing: you can't download your Hotmail or buy gifts on Amazon using WebTorrent, and you wouldn't want to, because you don't want anyone but you having copies of your personal information on their computers. Again, the use of Web2 modularization would help here, but even so there's still a whole lot of static web content out there that would benefit from a WebTorrent universe.

    I think this is one of the best ideas I've had in a while. Go implement, somebody. Come on. Don't make me.

    I haven't seen enough human beings in real life recently. Somebody invite me to lunch.

    I haven't seen enough human beings in real life recently. Somebody invite me to lunch.

    Enough already! Stop sending me this link! Here it is: welovetheiraqiinformationminister.com, a...

    Enough already! Stop sending me this link! Here it is: welovetheiraqiinformationminister.com, a collection of writings, indeed an homage to Muhammed Saeed al-Sahaf, also known as MSS and Baghdad Bob by those who can't hack names with that many vowels. I have been watching copious amounts of war coverage, and You have to admire the sheer conviction of a man who stares danger in the face and completely fails to acknowledge even its existence. I sincerely hope he's enjoying his holiday. Update 15.04.2003: the spin-offs have started.

    Other random links recently:

  • Building the Enterprise out of a floppy disc has spawned imitators who have gone completely over the top.
  • Your daily dose of terrors: the WHO SARS information page
  • The Science Blog is like a slightly more readable version of EurekAlert, which I should really check more often.
  • As an April Fool's day joke, Steven Bellovin wrote a proposed Internet Standard, RFC 3514, about setting certain packets as "evil". He got many reactions to this, the best of which is from a Microsoft employee, at the bottom of that page.
  • The text image converter allows you to convert any image into coloured text which looks like the picture, like so. (via Trash)
  • This amazing Honda ad took 606 takes, and only has one special effect. And amazingly enough, it's not the bit where the tires roll uphill. That actually happened.
  • Syria is so next in line in the global ass-whuppin' that Dubya's handing out.
  • Chimp uses vending machine, just to make you feel that little bit dumber the next time one eats your money.
  • What animal best portrays your sexual appetite? Don't worry, most people seem to get "cold dead fish" the first time... then they start to lie.
  • Like the New York Times but don't like the privacy-infringing free registration? register automatically next time. You can use it to read this fascinating article about Google. I knew Google was big, but 800 employees and $750 million in revenues? I didn't know it was that big...
  • Proof that dated topical humour can still be funny. Oh, this takes me back... to 1996. Wait, that was nearly 10 years ago! God, I'm so old...
  • I love IndyMedia for stories like Jubilant crowd dismantles statue of Bush. They do take themselves a tad seriously though.
  • We hear a lot about Jessica freaking Lynch, but what about the Iraqi lawyer who several times risked his life to save her?
  • Saddam has a moustache from the 70s, and the bachelor pad to match.
  • An atheist's prayer:
    Our Mother Who art in Heaven,
    (If indeed there is a heaven,
    and if there is a God that takes a woman's form)
    hallowed be thy name
    We pray that you prevent self-righteous politicians
    from misusing the name of God
    in conducting government meetings.
    has recently been held up in court as being perfectly OK to say before public meetings in Utah, where the practice is for a member of the public to volunteer with a prayer. Having spent my schooling wasting hours while the catholics prayed, this makes me happy.
  • A very good explanation of why there will never be an OSX for Intel PCs.
  • Operation: Iraqi mackin'. Lay down that scruffy arab love. I think he just likes her enormous rifle, though.
  • How to get my dream job. User Interface design is a career now? Sign me up.
  • Jeffrey Veen has a lot of interesting stuff to say about web technology.
  • Kudos to CNN Money for the politically incorrect clipart. Well done. But Andy Serwer continues to provide great stuff:
    Fuel for all those hippie dippy protestors: Why wasn't it called Operation Iraqi Liberation...instead of Operation Iraqi Freedom? Perhaps due to the unfortunate acronym that would have resulted -- O.I.L..

  • Pikachu answers your questions! Mainly via body language and skilled interpretation.
  • An intriguing look at the origin of the word "w00t!", which I use waaaaay too much these days.
  • For my brothers: surfer takes world's longest wave: 37 minutes.
  • These patriotic USA posters are great.
  • It was recently pointed out that a Google search for "Chris Seldo" turns up this photo. Google...

    It was recently pointed out that a Google search for "Chris Seldo" turns up this photo. Google knows far too much about me. Testing its knowledge further, I tried some others:
  • "Seldo dan" gets Dan and Mikey
  • "Seldo Martyn" comes up with Martyn and Mikey,
  • "Seldo damien" gets the infamous hobbit photo,
  • and "Seldo guy" turns up this terrible photo of guy.

    This shows that Google is not exactly infallible, thankfully, and also that Mikey seems to be insinuating himself into my love life :-) Geeks among you may notice that my microvotes here are going to change the PageRankings of those pictures away from what they are now to what I've labelled them. That's the point :-)

    Anxious to discover who Google thinks my next romantic entanglement is going to be, I tried "Seldo next". Eventually, it popped up this photo followed closely by this one. Look out, guys.

  • On Iraq from an email to Ben, cross-posted to Free Trinidad. Ben said: There are at least...

    On Iraq
    from an email to Ben, cross-posted to Free Trinidad.

    Ben said:

    There are at least two points here:
    1. I may think that Saddam needs to be removed, but I am not an Iraqi. This is the same as any other form of totalitarianism: I have no right to decide for the Iraqis who shall or shall not govern them. They are perfectly capable of deciding for themselves, and history suggests peoples are in general capable of removing leaders they are truly unhappy with. Even more worrying is the idea of some bloody Yank who /really/ doesn't understand how things work in Europe marching in and telling people what's best for them.

    I said:

    In a paragraph you summarise Europe's attitude to the war. Firstly: it's quite clear that the Iraqis were unable to get rid of Saddam themselves: the society was a very cleverly constructed totalitarian state based on paranoia and distrust. The obvious and surprisingly enthusiastic reaction to their sudden liberation (if they call it that, and they do, so will I) is proof enough that what we did in Iraq was a good thing. A good thing is not necessarily the right thing of course, and certainly not the best thing.

    But your statement also indicates the *real* reason the public doesn't like the war: the unilateralism of it, but specifically the *US* unilateralism of it. America is far too powerful: that's the thought at the back of everyone's minds. They need to be taken down a peg. But they're having none of it, and that makes people angry.

    This is fully reflected by opinion polls. Majorities the world over supported war in Iraq with a UN mandate, but none without. If liberating Iraq was the right thing to do with UN approval, why should it be the wrong thing to do without it? You're still performing the same action: invading a state, against the wishes of that state.

    In the case of France, Germany and Russia, their opposition to the fall of the regime was very obvious self interest: France and Russia, in particular, have been trading weapons and training personnel, respectively, for the Hussein regime, in Russia's case until September of last year. French and Russian oil companies had big contracts with the Hussein regime, which are essentially worthless at this point.

    As for what gives us the right to invade another country? It is the same principle that gives us the right to invade a criminal's home and arrest him: the wider society imposes its will and impinges upon the rights of an individual because that is for the greater good of society. By committing criminal acts, you waive your rights.

    So what exactly were these acts? State-sponsored terrorism? I don't buy that: we'd be invading Saudi Arabia first. WMD? Don't make me laugh. He wanted them, but didn't have them, and what the hell, North Korea has those, and so does Iran, probably. No, Iraq's crime was its treatment of its own people, which was appalling. We were freeing a people who could not free themselves.

    Note well that THIS IS NOT WHY THE BUSH ADMINISTRATION DID IT. This is why I think a war on Iraq was a good idea. The bush administration did it for entirely self-serving reasons, just as France & Russia opposed it: a friendly state in the middle east? With a US-installed government? That controls the second-largest oil reserves in the world? Yes please!

    But regardless of their motives, it was still the right thing to do.

    And does that mean, now, that we should go around correcting the ills in the rest of the world, according to what we think is ill? (In this case: the suffering of populations) God, I wish we would. We could start by fixing the godawful mess that is most of sub-Saharan Africa. But that's not going to happen, because those places don't have nearly enough oil. War is not a profitable venture; it's quite likely that the damage that the US and UK are both wreaking on their economies to pay for this war will push both into recession.

    And meanwhile, the enforcement of the Pax Americana has been very effectively demonstrated. It's easy to say, after the fact, that Iraq was a walkover. But it might not have been, and there's no telling how much of that was Iraqi incompetence and how much was the daring tactics employed by the US in the first real land war of this century. And there is no question that other states are going to think twice about their behaviour now that this demonstration has taken place. And that, again, is a good thing. It bruises the egos of Europe to have their lack of military and economic power rubbed in their faces, but Pax is good, no matter who's enforcing it.

    Ben said:

    2. Regardless of that, in an international context nations must obey international law, and the international legal body which all of Iraq, the US and Britain have agreed to obey is the UN. Yes, Iraq was disobeying the UN, but settling that is for the UN to decide, and *only* the UN.

    I said:

    You know what? There's only one superpower in the world. And it's not the UN. Countries are just human beings writ large, and human beings, by and large, are a law-abiding bunch, because most of the time obeying those laws is convenient. And what prevents people from disobeying laws when it's convenient to do so is the threat of consequences. These consequences comes from the UN for most countries. But where the US is concerned, there is literally nothing that can be done. They could take us with one hand tied behind their back. Any economic sanctions we imposed would hurt us just as much as them, if not more so, because the US is everyone's biggest trading partner. If the world superpower was us, we'd be doing exactly what the US is doing. If we want the UN to rule, we have to give the UN teeth: as you say, military power. But you know who funds about 50% of the UN? That's right, the US.[Well, it would if it paid] And the EU can't even manage to agree on giving itself a very, very small unified fighting force, far less the UN. Our fragmentation is our weakness, and the US's strength.

    Ben said:

    By rights, (and I really quite wish this had happened) the rest of the UN ought to have declared war on the US and Britain for invading another UN member state without Security Council approval. The fact that they didn't just shows how much this unilateral action, so far from being to support UN mandates against Iraq, was in fact quite deliberately done to destroy the UN as an international body with any real power.

    Predictably, I said:

    No, what they *should* have done was backed the war. Having abandoned doing the right thing out of self-interest, at least they didn't block somebody else doing it. The UN's credibility is shattered, it's true: but that's because the UN doesn't deserve any credibility as an international body with any real power. It doesn't have any real power over the US, and the bulk its power over other countries is provided and paid for by the US. I wish that wasn't the case. I wish the US didn't run world. But it does, and it does us no good trying to pretend that's not the case. If we want that situation to change, we have to gang up. Good luck trying to get that to happen. We brought this on ourselves.

    You can't seriously wish that we were now at war with the US: we'd die in the first seconds of conflict, and if we didn't, we'd wish we had.

    That damn hippy Ben said:

    I actually think that all national armies should be disbanded, and the weapons and troops put under the control of a UN international peace-keeping force, answerable only to the UN Security Council.

    To which I equally impractically said:

    Screw the security council, that's a nightmare. The solution is a world government with a full legislature, courts, and enough military strength to enforce its power. That would be wonderful. But democracy is a dividing force, not a unifying one, into smaller and smaller groups that agree on a wider range of issues. This is why states keep splitting into smaller states.

    We find ourselves at the mercy of an imperialistic state, unmatched economically and militarily, with a clearly corrupt government elected under suspicious circumstances. That sucks. But be grateful; at least it likes us. They're not fascists, they're not (er, currently) involved in genocide. They won't last forever: in fact, their sheer power now means they are more likely to overstretch and collapse. Empires rise and fall; I hope the next one's as nice as this.

    Whoa! The Trini blogosphere (until recently somewhat dire) has suddenly expanded for me, via...

    Whoa! The Trini blogosphere (until recently somewhat dire) has suddenly expanded for me, via Jonathan Ali, who registered at Free Trinidad and then kindly blogged about it (although that permalink is broken at the moment for some reason). And Jonathan has lots of Trini-blogger friends: Damien Smith at IndiaWest, JessieGirl, and Nicholas Laughlin, who went to my school but apparently didn't hate it as much as I did. Nicholas was also quite complimentary about my Iraq post on FT, so I'm clearly going to give him a reciprocal link or two, or three :-)

    There was apparently an article about blogging in the Trinidad Guardian recently, so hopefully these will be the first of a wave of Trini bloggers, who will eventually unite and overthrow the government through the sheer power of our intellectual arrogance :-)

    I haven't blogged about Trinidad much, if at all, and I don't really intend to change that habit -- anything I want to say about Trinidad is generally over at FT.

    Okay, that's it, deadlines are scaring me again. I'm going offline until this blasted report is...

    Okay, that's it, deadlines are scaring me again. I'm going offline until this blasted report is done. If you want to get in touch with me, do so IRL, or if you don't have any IRL means e-mail me -- I'll be checking once a day. Time management is for wusses; here's hoping for a really first-class last-minute panic!

    P.S.: you are henceforth read the weblog of the right Reverend Seldo, since I am now a fully ordained minister of the Universal Life Church. Takes three minutes to apply online, and it's free. And it'll give me some great ammunition the next time I feel like pestering a Christian :-)

    Creme eggs should be available in six-packs all year. I'm just sayin'.

    Creme eggs should be available in six-packs all year. I'm just sayin'.

    Okay, my personal alarm bells are going off: 402 cases in Beijing alone. This being up from the...

    Okay, my personal alarm bells are going off: 402 cases in Beijing alone. This being up from the "37" officially reported until 2 days ago. Beijing is China's largest city, of course; but it's also hundreds of miles away from Hong Kong. Is SARS also everywhere in between? Do you realise how incredibly difficult it's going to be to wipe out a disease this deadly from a country the size of China? Mortality rate is currently at 9%, and edging up every day. Scared yet? There've been 14 cases in Canada. How about now? The virus can spread by contaminated water supplies and human waste. The corpses may also be temporarily infectious. What about now?

    I'm staying indoors. For the next two years or so.

    My god, Thomas Friedman is such an idiot. In a recent op-ed piece in the NY Times, he declares that...

    My god, Thomas Friedman is such an idiot. In a recent op-ed piece in the NY Times, he declares that "the terrorism bubble has burst" and that people need to "stop overreacting to 9/11". He calls for the return of civil liberties and a free and open society.

    Now, on the one hand, I'm all for the USA calming the fuck down and removing all the draconian anti-terrorism laws that it's put into place recently (and while we're at it, could we kill Donald Rumsfeld and Tom Ridge?). But what is Mr. Friedman's justification for declaring terrorism no longer a threat? You guessed it: the end of the war in Iraq.

    Hey, butthead, the terrorists weren't from Iraq! Neither was their leader! Nor was their money! All three of those things, in fact, came mainly from Saudi Arabia. Saudi Arabia is still alive and well, thanks for asking. The war on Iraq was not about terrorism. And if anything, beating the crap out of an Arab state and deposing its leaders is, if anything, going to make the Middle East even more pissed off with the US, not less.

    I have no grand point to make by stating this. I just got angry at this guy being an idiot, and it's my blog. Standard disclaimer applies about buggering off and writing your own; it's a lot harder than it looks.

    Are you Addicted to the Internet? 68% Hardcore Junkie (61% - 80%)While you do get a bit...

    Are you Addicted to the Internet?
    68%

    Hardcore Junkie (61% - 80%)
    While you do get a bit of sleep every night and sometimes leave the house, you spend as much time as you can online. You usually have a browser, chat clients, server consoles, and your email on auto check open at all times. Phone? What's that? You plan your social events by contacting your friends online. Just be careful you don't get a repetitive wrist injury...

    The Are you Addicted to the Internet? Quiz at Stvlive.com!

    ...saved only by the fact that I have more friends in real life than online.

    Unfortunately, only the name is satirical.

    Memory I remember Crix and peanut butter At midnight When the house was sleeping I...

    Memory

    I remember
    Crix and peanut butter
    At midnight
    When the house was sleeping
    I remember
    The kids' lime

    I remember
    The junk shop
    I remember
    The L on my wall

    I remember
    My little chair at the table
    I remember
    The bookshelf in my room

    I remember
    When you didn't listen
    I remember
    When you didn't understand
    I remember
    When you heard me
    I remember
    When you understood

    I remember
    The little talks
    I remember
    The stories at bedtime
    I remember
    Fluffing my pillows
    I remember
    Finding stuffed animals

    I remember
    Giving you grover
    I remember
    You thanking me
    I remember
    Making mum's vase
    I remember
    Corned beef hash

    I remember
    Sandcastles at sunset
    I remember
    Watching the pelicans at dawn
    I remember
    Taking me to the library
    I remember
    Drinking tea in your bed

    I remember
    When you said horrible things
    I remember
    When you said sorry
    I remember
    That you have always loved me
    And I am sorry
    That I ever forgot

    I refer everyone to the current front pages of the Ironic Times and the Daily Probe. The Iraqi...

    I refer everyone to the current front pages of the Ironic Times and the Daily Probe. The Iraqi Information Minister will always be funny! Always! There is no truth to the rumour of the joke being over-used!

    Meanwhile, SARS panic continues to spread significantly faster than the disease itself, getting totally out of hand, although I have to say I think Toronto's complaints are unjustified given that the rest of the world put travel bans on Hong Kong and other places long before they had as many as 200 cases.

    Personally, I'm unsure about whether to worry or not. It's not a nice disease, certainly, and they don't really know how to stop it, yet. It also seems to be spreading quite easily even in cities like HK that are trying really hard to stop it. And people say the death rate is "only" 5%, like that's supposed to make me feel better. 5% is also a conservative estimate of the percentage of homosexuals in the population: 1 in 20. And there are loads of gay people; therefore, 5% is a lot of deaths! So I'll stay scared for the moment, I think.

    And for lighter entertainment, will the real Saddam Hussein please stand up?

    Oh, and just in case you were wondering if there really was someone tasteless and sleazy enough,...

    Oh, and just in case you were wondering if there really was someone tasteless and sleazy enough, yet well enough informed on current events to create a porn video called Weapons of Ass Destruction, yes, they really did. No, it's not even a parody. You can actually buy 138 minutes of ass-destruction action, starring (I kid you not) Arnold Schwarzenpecker. You may remember him from such films as "Stuff Your Face #01", "Stuff Your Face Again", "Stuff Your Ass #03" or that family favourite "Butt-Hole In One". Or then again, maybe you won't. But either way, don't miss out on this cinematic gem! The DVD features bonus footage and a "fetish index" if you want to skip straight to your kink of choice; it's that kind of thoughtful extra design work that really makes me appreciate sleazy porn DVDs...

    Warning for the brain dead: these links are, obviously, not safe for work. They go to porn video stores. That really wouldn't look good.

    Update: And since you keep asking, I found the site by typing weapons of ass destruction into Google, okay? Because I wondered if anybody had actually made the video, because it was mentioned as a joke in the Onion a while back. No really. I don't browse these sites for fun. What do you think I am, straight? Speculation along the same lines has also led Rob to point out Shaving Ryan's Privates, and Gone in 69 Seconds, starring the excellently-named Johnny Packwood and Johnny Thrust, and which features the following excellent "plot" synopsis:

    A latex clad female car theft ing terrorizes the city of Los Angeles. Led by their kinky latex loving master, Malakai, the women are complete and willing sexual slaves who will do anything for his love.
    Have these people no shame at all? Oh, wait, they're B-list porn stars. I forgot.

    Blogging (and the pointless websurfing that powers it) ends now. Yes, I know I said this a week...

    Blogging (and the pointless websurfing that powers it) ends now. Yes, I know I said this a week ago, but this time I mean it, and this time it's a lot longer. This will be the last update to Seldo.Com of any kind until my exams are over. And then hopefully I'll be able to say how well they went, rather than complaining about how little I did for them...